This is one of those times.
The Core Me
There are some basics about me that I feel will never change. I love Jesus. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love to travel. I do not like brown chocolate. I love to laugh. I love horses. I do not like noise.
These things are foundationally me. They have always been true..some since I was a child. They will not, nor have they changed.
However, other things have changed.
I was raised very conservatively and held tightly to those beliefs/ideas instilled in me until Paul and others challenged me in college. That is when I first started to wonder 'who was the REAL Becky'? I think there is a negative stigma in Christian circles about "finding one's self". I heard comments like "Your identity is in Christ, you don't need to look any further". Now I have to say "BOOOO" to this! It shuts down the searcher's feeling about getting comfortable in their own skin. I felt the negative stigma of "searching for myself" but concluded that it wasn't bad to discover something new about myself and expand my thoughts about a really big God.
I changed some of my ingrained views on heavy topics like God, religion, gay rights, and politics. I also gained a new perspective on ME! I began to embrace things I felt we "not acceptable" for me as a Christian and a woman growing up.
However, twice in my life I have gone through periods where I have spent some time delving deeper into who I really am. Now is one of those times.
Who am I really?
Lately Paul and I have been discussing my thoughts on my growing up years and how they formed me into the person I am. Everyone has this and some live out that person their whole lives while other rebel against whom their parents wanted them to be and strike out on their own path of discovery.
Fast forward to today. Paul and I are discussing again my feelings of not really being 'me'. How I still feel like things I do and how I look isn't quite right. Still uncomfortable in my own skin. Only today as I grapple with this I do it openly knowing that Paul supports me and also wants me to find the real deep 'me' that God intended me to live out.
What does that look like right now? Here is a peek into how I am coming out of the conservative cocoon I was born in....coming more alive...more ME.
The New Me
I love having colored hair. I love aqua converse shoes. I love wearing whatever shirt I want and not caring if my colored bra shows! ( getting really personal here!). I prefer to navigate instead of drive. I hate being overweight...thus I hate my dysfunctional liver!!! I love homeschooling my kids. I love my RV home! I love the freedom that comes with not judging others. I don't care what others think of me.
As I continue to find out who God intended me to be (both inside and out) I am so grateful for my amazing husband who supports, encourages and challenges me. I desire this journey of self discovery to continue and am quite surprised that I am doing this again when I am 37 years old.
Will I go through another phase of change in another 10 years?
Have you ever felt uncomfortable in your own skin? How have you re-created yourself?
Here's to becoming comfortable with who we each are and loving ourselves in our own skin.
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